Falling Back In Love & Update

Oh my, where have I been? This blog is such a constant outlet for me that it feels like I've neglected this space for a lifetime when I don't write here or take any photographs. A lot has been happening and it's been a pretty negative few days but the main issue has been that my broadband connection has been testy for over a fortnight and only now has been stable for over 27 hours which is a massive achievement right now. God, am I glad to be back online and 'wired in' even though 3G bothers me so much I ended up not being online very much at all during that period and it was quite blissful at times.

A lot of stress has come from the wedding. It's come to the point with our respective families where I want to throw in the towel and elope but on the other hand also want everyone I love there to witness it and have a special day. I'm not used to days being all about me - I never had any big parties on my birthday and so I've grown up quite well-adjusted to the idea of not being the centre of attention - so I love the idea of something small. Our wedding was originally going to be quite compact but I ended up annoying family members because I couldn't invite one person without hurting someone else and so on. It became a minefield and I became the punching bag for everyone's emotions towards family members and friends that either we have issues with or don't see. Boyfriend's family notoriously hate me to the point where it disgusts me and he doesn't want to invite them at all but then I feel that they should be there if my family are and we both sit there, mentally exhausted with a vague stench of wine and Pringles about us while we talk about just not doing it with them. Two witnesses. Done.

We still haven't come to a decision on that part and worse still, I have two wedding dresses hung up in my office waiting for a full appraisal. I bought a beautiful floor length lace number that would be perfect for a more formal do but since I ordered it in my regular dress size I was assured it wouldn't fit by people in the shop. I ordered a back up dress - Audrey Hepburn style - and lo and behold, the first dress fitted like a glove. Now I have two dresses, both are a pain to return but since I have to make rent I can't afford to keep them both and really, it's putting me in a state of distress. I can definitely see why people pay for others to take over their wedding preparations. In a few weeks I'll be laughing about this but with the rest of the issues going on I feel like every time I even think about a wedding in real-life terms I'm going to melt into a puddle on the floor of mixed emotions and indecision.

But it's a new week and this week I intend to spend lots of time falling in love with work again. I'm going to collect early submissions for the magazine and get organised, take photos and blog more, comment on the blogs I love, scour the internet for those gems I've been missing and maybe even write a little. I'm taking on designs again after a brief hiatus due to ill-health and my turnaround is 24 hours at the moment so get in quick if you fancy one and head to the design page to find out more.

How have you all been doing lately? I feel like I'm not the only one with a lot of pent up negative energy and I firmly believe that there are times when it is good to talk and vent it out.