Being A Fat Girl

Cosmo recently posted an article named 'What being a fat woman is really like'. Two plus size women spoke about what it feels like to be fat from sex to body image to general life as a fat woman and a few bloggers (namely my friend Michaela answered the questions herself. Naturally I thought that was a great idea and thought I'd do the same.

How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?
I don't mind it because I know that even if I think their body shape is gorgeous they may not. Whether we're an 8 or a 28 that doesn't mean we don't have excess fat on our bodies and areas we'd like to change so I don't see it as a competition for who can be the most unhappy about their physical appearance. I don't think I have dibs on complaining due to my size.

How has your body image changed since high school? College?
I've always been a big girl and while things have changed in terms of my height (I'm 5ft10in) and a few inches here and there after I had my babies I've generally been the same shape for as long as I can remember. The only thing I can really say has changed is the way I see myself because I remember being bullied for being big in school and how horrible and damaging it really was (God, I was so, so miserable) whereas now I'm a lot more secure.

Have you tried dieting? What happened?
A few times and they did work. I dropped 2-3 stone quite easily with portion control and calorie counting, eating lots of fresh nutritious foods rather than quicker choices and exercising twice a week properly. Diet is not a dirty word and doesn't have to be seen as a fad - a diet is a term to describe the food you eat and while there are definite damaging diets to follow in the world there are also fantastic ones that can really change your way of eating for the better. The problem with a good, nutritious diet is that it can be very expensive so while I would eat brilliantly for 2-3 months the rest of the year while experiencing financial difficulty it would be an entirely different story and by the time I spent the majority of the year eating the way I was I became complacent. I still am rather complacent.

Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?
All of my family are varying degrees of overweight but not seriously. It could be a genetic factor but I'm not going to say it definitely is. I'm big boned but genetically fatter than some? Who knows?

Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?
I don't consider myself healthy but I don't have any health problems attributed solely to my weight. I walk a lot but steep hills and jogging get me out of breath extremely easily even if I'm not pouring with sweat and struggling to the point where I want to keel over. By the same token I also smoke and drink so while I am pretty unfit but generally healthy I think a lot can be attributed to more than just my weight even if it is a factor.

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you're at? Have they always been?
I wouldn't say my dad is particularly supportive. I'm sure if he could snap his fingers and have me be a size 8-10 he would but that's not reality and he doesn't comment on my weight at all. It's not a big issue and has never been a big issue in my family past the point of 'Try and be healthy and happy'.

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people?
By translating the trends to larger sized clothes. I see so many plus size clothes that look very dated in comparison to the stock in mainstream sized stores when the cut and fit of the mainstream styles would flatter someone with bigger arms, bigger stomachs and bigger legs well regardless. Less slogan t-shirts and more well cut and detailed dresses, skirts, tailored trousers and blouse style tops.

Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?
Yes and it's mainly due to how the media portray women in such a harsh and critical light. If a slim woman has a centimetre of skin hanging over her bikini she's plastered over the pages as untoned so it's natural a bigger woman would be far more criticised. I don't think this is specific to fat women and men and it's the culture we live in now that reflects on every woman and man. I do find in day to day life it is far more acceptable for a fat man to be in shorts and no top rather than a woman in a crop top and jeans exposing less flesh and God forbid, shorts and a bikini.

Do you think there’s an assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you respond to it?
I think there can be. Fat people are often seen as fish in a barrel and are often the butt of a joke about being the last one at the bar at last call because they obviously should be flattered and grateful you want to take them home. There's a lot of assumption that fat people are lazy, unkempt, sit at home eating all the time and so on too all of which do have some weight especially with what we see so much on TV in regards to the media coverage of fat people so I try to think of that. I try not to respond to it at all and just prove the assumptions wrong in my day to day life.

Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight?
Unless that person has already expressed concerns themselves I don't think there's ever a good time but I do think it is sometimes necessary. It opens a rapport with the other person, everyone can individually express their opinions and that's great as long as it doesn't become judgmental and the person in question is being heard and respected but every time my weight has been brought up by anyone but my doctor it has never been this way. I'm very lucky that I've had understanding doctors and friends in my life that I can talk freely with without feeling judged but there have definitely been some horribly awkward and offensive conversations in the past.

What are the worst things people have said to you about your body?
I was told I was ugly, gross and that nobody would ever want me. To a girl who was desperate for acceptance it was pretty hard to hear and even know that thought has stuck around and rears its head in situations I wish it wouldn't. My body hasn't stopped me finding love but I can't help but feel if I was thinner I'd be more attractive to my partner. I think it's very ingrained now.

How did you respond?
I don't think I did. I'd come back with a sassy response with the intention of faking it until I made it and pretend to be ill when things got terrible. At one point my attendance was 52% in school when it was daily physical and mental bullying (before the days of regular fines in schools). At home I didn't have to deal with any of that and my mum was in work all day so I'd lie and say I'd been in school.

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
People have complimented my long legs, my face, my boobs, my bum and my waist but I don't really know how to handle compliments. I have the mentality that it'll be laced with an insult as a joke or said with sarcasm so I just say thank you and never allow myself to believe them completely. It's not that I hate those parts of my body but I feel when I say I'm okay with them I truly mean it whereas someone else may not.

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?
Not consciously but my close friends are fat women. One of my very close friends who I've sadly fallen out with was very slim and curvy and we had completely different body types but I absolutely adored spending time with her and being around her so I don't think it's a natural pull toward other fat people but rather a connection built on common interests.

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all?
Yes and no. I've had no problem having sex, finding men to have sex with or keeping relationships but I am very self conscious about my post-baby tummy on top of the fat I used to have. Now it's very scarred from stretch marks so my confidence has taken a knock definitely but the sex itself? It's all good.

When you've been single, has your weight affected your dating life?
Not that I've noticed. I've never not had someone in my life for more than a few months and I've never gone out hunting for a boyfriend it just seemed to happen once we met and progressed in a very natural way. If I'd gone out and tried it might have hindered me and I have no doubt many men wouldn't have been interested as I'm not their preference but I'm proof there are men that not only don't mind but like it.

Do you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?
Not at all. My boyfriend has always dated larger women about a 14+ just because he prefers it that way and that's fine. I wouldn't like it if a man completely discriminated against a slim woman because of it but if he's just not interested in sleeping with her, that's not my business.

Do you feel weird if he's only dated slimmer women before you?
Not weird so much as self-conscious. The relationship could be great but there's always that nagging teenager saying I'm inadequate in my head so there'd definitely be some self doubt but nothing I don't think a good, stable relationship couldn't overcome.

What do you think?