What I Know At 25

I know that I am ageing and I should take better care of my skin while I still have the vibrancy and elasticity that keeps me complacent. I know that people lie, people steal, people kill and maim if only in the most indirect ways and that it's okay and sometimes, even beautiful. I know that nothing is ever static and that being fluid with the change is half of the battle. I know that people die and love is lost in waging battles between head and heart. I know that sometimes it isn't for the best. I know that sometimes that bitterness won't subside. I know that character means more than personality. I know that sometimes the nice guys who complain about finishing last aren't always as nice as they want to believe they are.

I know that cravats are stupid and that cologne on a man is important. I know that feeling alive is often paired with being close to death and I know I am terrified of that fact. I know that your family are important even if they are not good people. I know that the songs I listen to late at night define my taste the most, that I don't like 'proper tea' and when to say "No but thank you for the offer". I know that heels are not always the most sane idea for a night out and that a Christmas that ends in gin and resentment is classed as a good celebration if your tears soak into the soft knit of the festive jumper he wore just to make you smile.

I know that sexuality is more than a label. I know that judgment is something we all do and to say you made a mistake takes such bravery. I know that experience often doesn't count for more than knowledge - sometimes it is knowledge. I know that sometimes you just need to wrap your hands around that mug of coffee cross legged on the bare tiled floor and you feel more at home than with the lover beside you. I know that instinctual love is so much easier than the love you show and feel for others. I know that I would go hungry, cold, poor and tired for the ones I love to be satisfied, warm, stable and rested.

I know that singing in public while drunk on gin and not knowing the lyrics despite them being ten inches from your face can lead to one of your most cherished memories. I know that I have been reckless and closed and I know that moving from that was one of the most difficult things I have ever personally experienced. I know that you can respect someone's right to hold an opinion without respecting the opinion itself. I know self-love is not born from isolation and to give love you have to receive love. I know that insecurities are akin to gnawing and knowing creatures beneath your skin but that eventually you just don't feel them day to day once you acknowledge their existence. I know that words can sometimes be as powerful as actions and ideas can be the most powerful thing a person can have.

Most of all I know that when a man offers to buy you coffee, take the coffee. It's not about the coffee. It's never about the coffee.